Creativity / Meandering

Meandering Monday about Living with Myself

When I graduated from High School, there was only one thing I wanted to pursue as a career:  I was going to be an actor. I believe I was pretty good at it, and I loved throwing myself into other characters – this would happen throughout the entire rehearsal process, to the point where traits would creep into my REAL personality. A girl who first got to know me when I was playing the Young Collector in A Streetcar Named Desire thought I was shy and quiet, until that show was over and we were working another show where the character was louder and less agreeable and I started being more outspoken, scatter-brained and rude. It’s very easy for me to develop patterns. Or is it that I can hook into other people lurking inside my psyche?

I could almost call that “scatter-brained” – but as in various competing characters and thoughts rising and falling through my consciousness. It informs my writing, allows me to have private conversations with myself and whoever / whatever it is, and stories emerge as they try to work things out with each other.

No, I don’t have Multiple Personality Disorder. There is no point at which anyone other than William Mangieri (Bill) is in charge – I have no confusion about who I am.

I’m easily distracted – I see a faint shadow and start seeing shapes and patterns, like other people might deliberately look at clouds looking for animals or faces, except I see these images everywhere when I’m not trying. It can happen in the middle of a conversation (with a real person), and my focus shifts away. Rude, I know – I can usually remain in the conversation and catch back up with where it’s gone while I was distracted, but sometimes I miss obvious things. Especially if a word in a conversation sends me away to related-but-unrelated rabbit hole after rabbit hole of ideas, and those I don’t usually make it back from in time

I frequently admit to the effects of aging, but I don’t mean that I don’t hear as well, or that I’m suffering from dementia – it’s that my brain is slowing down, and so it’s harder to cover-up my distractions and get back focused on what I’m supposed to be involved in.

I remember years ago meeting a neighbor who had ADD (or some variant of it.) It caused him lots of difficulty at his job, until he was diagnosed and they gave him medications to counteract the effects of his condition, and he got really good at his profession. But he stopped taking the meds and went another direction; you see, he missed himself – the ongoing conversations and thoughts that were always there under the surface.

I know a lot of who I am – my creativity, my writing, my outside-the-box-thinking, my ability to see not only what is, but what could be – is wrapped around my scattered brain. Sure, being more focused would make some things easier, but I’d rather be who I am instead of being better at being someone else.

Just saying…


The June 30th ePub will be “Victimless” – it’s just a short story, so there won’t be a preorder campaign – 11 days to format, figure out and design a cover.


JD2DowntownBluesCoverWilliam Mangieri’s writing, including his most recent publication Downtown Blues:  Detective Jimmy Delaney Collection #2,  can be found in many places, including:
• Smashwords:
• His Amazon Author page:
• Barnes & Noble:
• Createspace (if you prefer physical books):
• His site on WordPress:
• “William Mangieri’s Writing Page” on Facebook at:
• His Goodreads author page:
• Or on twitter: @WilliaMangieri

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