commentary / Marketing / Meandering

Fake Friend Friday: Misrepresenting Yourself

I’m going to name drop, here.

Beto O’Rourke actually texted me yesterday – on my personal cell phone (name dropping doesn’t work unless you know who the names are, so just know that Beto O’Rourke is the Democrat candidate running against Senator Ted Cruz here in Texas.) Makes me feel so important, to have someone running for the U.S. Senate (even if with the wrong party) texting my personal phone (of course, Ted has been texting me since 2016, so maybe that’s not such a big deal.)

Oh wait – I have a couple of things wrong with what I just reported. Firstly, Beto didn’t actually text my phone – it was Jazmyn. She must be really important, too, because she only has a first name, and you know what that means. And Jazmyn addresses me by name to prove that she knows me, or at least so that I will think we’re friends, and that I’ve just forgotten about our relationship – probably because of my advanced age.

Of course, she also addressed me by my wife’s name (I’m not so old yet that I don’t know my or my wife’s name.) This is odd, because my wife’s name is not associated with my phone number – we each have our own cell phones. (As a side note, I analyzed this like I do everything else in my life, and have realized that there is only one situation where my wife’s name IS associated with my cell number – that’s for various doctors’ offices, because I generally set up and keep track of her appointments, so when they want to contact my wife, it lists my cell. This means that someone in the medical field has decided that it’s okay for them to sell our personal information, regardless of HIPA regulations. Just thinking…)

We have a lot of people call us up, and if we answer a call from an unrecognized number (which happens infrequently now), we are greeted BY NAME, with a simulation of familiarity: “HOW ARE YOU DOING, <<insert-name>>”, as though we’re about to continue a conversation that we have no  recollection of,  but we’re polite people, so we take a little longer to make sure we really don’t know each other (We’ve even had people COME TO OUR DOOR, ask if I’m home, and tell my wife that they had an appointment with me, and they want to com in and wait for me. Folks, give it up – my wife isn’t even remotely near stupid.)

 

So, if any solicitors are listening, I resent those of you who call, or email, or text, or use any other mode of communication and pretend that we know each other. I am much like Gollum, in that I don’t have any friends, so it’s not too hard for me to figure out that you’re not one of them (although sometimes, when I’m feeling like wasting even more of OUR time than you probably intend, I think about prolonging the conversation with some simulated friendship of my own, maybe talk about THE CRAZY WEATHER WE’RE HAVING, HOW IS THE FAMILY DOING? ARE YOU WORKING FROM HOME NOW? MY DOG DIED THREE YEARS AGO, BUT I’M NOT GETTING ANOTHER ONE, AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I KEEP TELLING EVERYONE, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. I AM GETTING UP THERE IN YEARS, AND PETS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR THE ELDERLY. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I wonder how long it would take you to be rude(r) and hang up on me? Just saying…

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CollectionTheLast3CoverMy next release will be another collection of collections – The Last Three Things I Could Get Out of My Mind. This is a compilation of my last three OUT OF MY MIND collections, and includes several favorites, including “Dredging Things Up”, “Saturday He Fed the Cat”, “The Pipes”, “Endangered”, “Burial Details”, and “Solid People.”

From the blurb for “Burial Details”:

burialdetailscoverBe sure to bury your charges deep.

An old farmer scraping by after the Sahrian invasion buries his most precious treasures to hide them from the aliens’ “salvation”. Read between the lines to discover the “Burial Details.”

 

The eBook’s release date is May 4th, but it’s available for preorder now at a DISCOUNTED PRICE at several online retailers, including:

Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/816158

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C73J49X

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CellfishnessCover2William Mangieri’s writing – including his most previous publication “Cellfishness” – can be found in many places, including:
• Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/NoTimeToThink
• His Amazon Author page:  http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B008O8CBDY
• Barnes & Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/william-mangieri?store=book&keyword=william+mangieri
• Createspace (if you prefer physical books):  https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=william+mangieri&sitesearch_type=STORE
To CONNECT WITH HIM (and LIKE and FOLLOW), go to
• His site on WordPress:  https://williammangieri.wordpress.com
• “William Mangieri’s Writing Page” on Facebook at:  http://www.facebook.com/NoTimeToThink
• His Goodreads author page:  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6893616.William_Mangieri
• Or on twitter: @WilliaMangieri

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